I receive questions and comments, even though I guess I do impede some feedback by only allowing public comments from premium subscribers. I’m not being anti-social. I don’t know, it’s what people do around here, and I went with the flow on that experiment. We’ll see.
Even paid subscribers rarely comment here, anyway. I’m not sure they want to fess up publicly to being subscribers.
But did you know that anyone can reply to an email from here, and I’ll receive your reply? (I’ll leave that feature turned on, as long as it’s not abused.)
So I figured it was time to hit the mailbag and respond to some of your best and brightest questions! Even though it’s getting close, I didn’t feel like writing about Christmas yet. My Christmas writing happens at the last minute, just like my Christmas shopping.
It’s Question and Comment Time!
Mailbag: You recently wrote about champagne being the universal adult beverage for Thanksgiving. But you know that French 75 you also wrote about? It’s a champagne cocktail, so it was also perfect for Thanksgiving. But since it’s fortified with gin it got me shitfaced much faster so that I could deal with my family, especially my Uncle Hal.
Me: Thanks, great suggestion! Glad I could help you with your Uncle Hal. We’ve all got one. Or a couple. I find it’s more efficient for me to get Uncle Hal shitfaced, and then let the bastard doze off. Try it next time. Its easier to baste the turkey if you’re not wasted. (If there are more annoyances than Uncle Hal, make a pitcher full.)
Mailbag: I can’t believe you haven’t written about a pumpkin spice or cinnamon spice dildo. It’s a gimme.
Me: I’ve thought about both of those, but they were too much of gimme. I did mention my failed holiday chia dildo in passing, though.
Mailbag: What do you want to write about, but haven’t yet, or never will?
Me: My friend and I have independently come up with a couple of identical themes that we both like to hammer on. I swear that I’ve riffed extensively on both of these themes long before I knew him, and I know he’s done the same because he’s been podcasting for about 20 years, so there’s lots of proof.
The first theme is dildos. I do riff on dildos but it takes great pains to go through my head to make sure that my inventions are exclusively mine, and not anything that has snuck into my subconscious from something I’ve heard or read of his. If I ever make that mistake, I apologize in advance, Norm. I really, really try not to, and so far I think I’m good. But my dildo stories may be numbered, because he is very prolific in his output. I guess great minds think alike.
The second theme that we’ve independently run with (I’ve always wanted to go with it here but I haven’t, because my take has always been too identical to Norm’s) is that lady in the Human Resources department. You know, the one who always tells you that you’re not a perfect fit. The same one who was more shitfaced than your Uncle Hal at the last office Christmas party, and worse. Much worse. In my case, the inspiration was a real-life HR lady at one of my old jobs. While there is nothing wrong with anything she did on her own time versus her professional dedication and demeanor when telling you that you weren’t a perfect fit, (and I will shame no one about their private life…GO FOR IT!) there was a certain comedic irony to it. So yes, except for right here, I’ll probably never write about her.
Let’s wrap up with some…
Anonymous Responses From Me:
Dear D., About average. No complaints.
Dear B., Yes, I’ve been hoping to get back to HiddenKatie’s geocache, especially since the swampy weather is receding for a while (hopefully).
Dear S., Remember those Old Milwaukee TV ads with the Swedish Bikini Team? Like that. Or even better, like any Pitbull music video.
Dear G., Not yet, but I have friends that do. Oh, to be a fly on that wall!
Dear N., My goal is to reset the counter to zero and visit all 50 states whenever it’s possible. I’ll have to schedule some meetups.